I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
