Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
