fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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