it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
