You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
