some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
