I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
