He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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