just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
