Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
