Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
