i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
worst night to have a conscience
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
