i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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