They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
