My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
