He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What drink are we having for lunch?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
