I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize