I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
