I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
These tits shall not be calmed
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