Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
