remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
