I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
