Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I believe in your delicious
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
