My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
its not stalking. its research.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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