shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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