I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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