you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
