You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
