I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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