I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
