I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
