I want to make a zoo with you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
