Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
