The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
