But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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