i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
