Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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