she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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