If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
