There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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