Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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