...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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