I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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