be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
