I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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