Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
