Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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