Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
