Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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