Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
did you just send me my own nude
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
