Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
