I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
