she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
