I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?