Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
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about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.