i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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