why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
