If that was your dad, he is hot
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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