We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
