someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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