Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize