As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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