Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
