He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
