And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
