State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
