he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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