Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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