I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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